Barely Breathing (Keep Breathing Book 1) Read online

  Copyright 2020 Erica Marselas

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination and/or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Edited by: Kristen @YourEditingLounge

  Cover Design By: Cover Me Darling

  Contents

  Copyright 2020 Erica Marselas

  PROLOGUE

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  EPILOGUE

  Also by

  YOU CAN STALK ME IN ALL THESE PLACES:

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Remember to always keep breathing

  Barely Breathing

  PROLOGUE

  RIVER

  Two years ago

  Breathing. It's something you do without thinking. It's natural. ‘Till your air, your reason for living, is taken away from you, and you are left struggling to catch your breath.

  My world has gone spotty, and my legs are beginning to collapse beneath me, no longer able to hold the weight of my world that’s crashing down on me.

  I'm gasping for breath, finding it impossible to find air as I shatter another person's world along with mine.

  I’m destroying my reason for breathing, my strength, with each destructive word that leaves my mouth. All I want to do is reach out and hold him, but instead, I watch his face crumble, and the light shut off in his eyes as I keep leaving scar after scar on both our hearts.

  I shut my eyes tightly, wanting to go back to one of the times when it was perfect between us. Wishing he could whisk us away. For a second, I envision it, like the picture that sits on our bedside table where we are smiling and lost in each other. I can even smell the sea air from Jacksonville Beach nine months ago.

  For a moment, I transport myself there because it not only fills my lungs with air but my heart with the last shred of happiness I'll ever have.

  I stare out into the blue ocean and watch as the waves crash against the shore. The sea breeze hits my face. I love how freeing it feels here. My mother passed away seven years ago today and it's still not any easier. Now, I find out my grandfather died. The last connection I had to her. And my rotten father has had him cremated without letting me say my final goodbye and the will...I don’t even know where it is or what it says.

  Jaxson knew that, so in true Jaxson style he swept me up and took me somewhere that would make me happy. To remind me of the good times I shared with them. I don't know what I would do without Jax. He's my air. My other half. When I'm struggling he always knows what to do.

  A tattoo covered hand skates around my stomach sending delicious tingles down my spine. Warm lips press into my bare neck and I moan as they travel down to my shoulder.

  "Has anyone said how fucking sexy you look today?" Jaxson growls as he pulls me tight into his body.

  "About the same amount of times, I'm sure, as you've been told how fucking incredible you are." I turn my head and kiss the line of his jaw. "Where did you run off to?"

  He told me fifteen minutes ago he'd be right back, but I figured he had gotten lost in a store, probably something to do with classic cars or tattoos and I would have to rescue him in about another fifteen.

  "I went to get something for you." He unhooks himself from around me and I spin around to face him, eyeing the white bag in his hand.

  "Tell me it’s a corndog and fries. I'm starving." I moan, and he chuckles.

  "It's better. Let's sit down." Jax takes my hand and leads me to a little bench along the boardwalk.

  He places the plastic bag in my lap and I look at him curiously. It's definitely not food. "What's this?"

  "I know this week has been hard for you so I wanted to give you something that will hopefully make it a little better."

  "Jax, you've already given me so much."

  "Just open it."

  I pull out a colorfully wrapped item from the bag and peel back the paper. I glance at Jax who is watching me intently as I unwrap it and I feel as if it’s my birthday. The paper falls beside me as I reveal a beautiful memory box. "Oh my god, Jax." I gasp as words fail me. I'm blown away by what I'm looking at and the amazing heartfelt gesture presented in front of me.

  The cover of the box has a dandelion blowing in the wind and engraved on the top it says, just keep breathing. Something my mom always said. It also almost matches my tattoo to a ‘t’. "Jax." My eyes fly to his and tears slip down my cheeks. "I love it. So much." God. I love him. How did I get so damn lucky?

  "Look inside." He grins, pointing to the box.

  There's more?

  I undo the little hinge and open the top, and there inside, sits an old photo of my mom. It’s one I haven't seen before and in it, she’s wearing a red ball gown. Picking it up, I run my fingers down her face and for a second I can feel her around me. "She's so pretty. Even with big 90s hair."

  "I thought you might want to put it on your desk when you start your new job."

  "Where did you find this picture?"

  My father had destroyed most of my mother's pictures after she died. He wanted no memory of her and did it to hurt me. I saved what I could, but I wanted them all. Every memory.

  "My mom found it. I had asked if maybe she would look at her collection from the old days since mom never throws anything away and she found it in an old album. There's a few more at their house. When we get back she said you can have them." I jump into his arms and kiss his face all over.

  "Thank you. Thank you."

  "You're welcome, baby."

  "I'm gonna need a good picture of your face for my desk too, you know."

  "Just my face?" He smirks, wiggling his eyebrows.

  "Yes. I don't think they'll allow those other pictures we took the other night in the office." I giggle and lean into him. I clutch the memory box to me and let my fingers brush over my favorite tattoo he has imprinted along his collarbone.

  "Thank you for this. For all of this. Bringing me here. I don't know what I would do without you," I tell him, though it doesn't feel like enough to just say it.

  "I'll always be here for you, Rivs. Helping you breathe."

  "I love you."

  My eyes fly open and the box in my hand is gone, and the warmth that surrounded me vanishes.

  Now it all feels like a lifetime ago. There's no going back now.

  My nightmare is still playing out in front of me. Jaxson is still hollering at me and I'm still breaking his heart.

  Things have been put into motion that I have no control over.

  With one final blow, I put the final nail in our coffin. The man I love more than anything in this world is no longer looking at
me. I can't blame him. I can't stand myself. Not after all we've been through. I'm now broken and twisted inside while feeling as if someone is crushing my windpipe.

  What he doesn’t know is I’m setting him free, and I’m putting my life into a cage.

  Keep breathing, River.

  Keep breathing. It's almost over.

  I repeat the mantra over and over as I rub the tattoo with the same words on my hip. The imprinted reminder I have given myself to keep going. But today, it’s almost not enough as I say goodbye to one life and start another.

  With my suitcases clutched in my hands, as tears stream down my face, I walk out of the only place I ever considered my home and come face to face with the one who has turned everything upside down.

  "Good job, princess. You've made me proud." He kisses my forehead and leads me down the hallway away from the only place where I knew happiness.

  Inside I'm trying not to dissolve, wanting nothing more than to disappear.

  Keep breathing, River.

  Just keep breathing.

  CHAPTER ONE

  RIVER

  Present Time

  This isn't the life I wanted.

  Not even close.

  The fancy CEO title, the fabulous townhouse, the fast car, and even the flashy diamond ring on my finger might look glamorous to anyone looking in, but I can say, it’s anything but. It’s all a fucking black hole of despair because I had to sell my future, my heart, and my soul to the devil.

  I gave up everything I loved and held dearly to protect others from evil. I’ve never felt more alone in my life.

  I’m a shell of my former self.

  The glass windows that surround my office make me feel as if I'm locked in Rapunzel’s tower, waiting for my prince to come save me. Across from me, blabbing away about financial projections, sits my fiancé, Harry Lawrence.

  He’s not my fiancé by any choice of mine. He's not my prince. Nor will he ever be the hero in my story.

  He's my death sentence.

  He’s all part of a deal I made to protect the ones I love from evil.

  To protect them from my father.

  Harry is the COO of my company, my father’s prodigy, and ass kisser. He's a decent looking man, like a fine vintage wine, where he looks tempting on the outside, with his perfect bone structure and glossy black hair. It's too bad after you pop the cork you find he's nothing but sour and rotten inside. Most women find him attractive and love to tell me how lucky I am that I bagged him. Maybe in another life, I would feel the same; if I was filled with the same greed and evil as Harry and my father.

  My grandfather built this company from the ground up. It’s his legacy, and my father is hell-bent on destroying it with his hunger for money and power.

  My father was forced out of his CEO position and out of the company because my grandfather left it to me in his will when I turned twenty-five, which happened two and a half months ago. But my father found a loophole in his will, which is why he has arranged my marriage to Harry. It’s why, before I'm even twenty-six, I'll be forced by my father to turn what was a gift back over to him, but at the same time hopefully break free from this gilded cage.

  I rub my hip subconsciously, where underneath the fabric lays my tattoo telling me to keep breathing. I might have sold my soul, but my journey isn't over yet.

  I'll make it past this soon.

  I have too.

  I have to know the destruction I caused wasn’t for nothing.

  I glance out the large windows to admire the blue skies of Tallahassee and watch the birds fly around between the buildings, where I'm sure the happy people below are enjoying their lunch breaks. Out those glass windows is freedom. The freedom I have missed for so long.

  Harry continues to yammer on while I occasionally nod in agreement with whatever he is saying. I’ll look over the forms in my spare time to double check them because who knows what bullshit Harry is trying to sell me.

  "Don't forget we have that staff meeting in three hours, River." Harry snaps his fingers in front of my face pulling my gaze away from a cloud I think resembles a dragon.

  "I'll be there," I say, trying to keep the condescending tone out of my voice. I hate that he acts as if I don't know what I'm doing or where I’m supposed to be. I might not want to be CEO, but I’m not a moron.

  "Oh, and pack me the files on the Grayson deal for my trip." He demands of me, per usual. Harry never asks or considers my feelings. He thinks since our relationship is arranged, he can treat me like Cinderella. Every time he opens his mouth I want to tell him to kick rocks, but I bite my tongue, knowing I have a plan, and me acting like a doting soon-to-be bride is just part of it.

  "Yep. No problem." I give him a fake smile as he stands from his chair and buttons up his jacket.

  “Good.” On that note, Harry leaves, and my head falls back against my chair, thankful to be out of his company. At least for now.

  My stomach grumbles, reminding me that I missed breakfast this morning. I slip on my heels and smooth out my gray pencil skirt. I catch my reflection in my large office window and hate the person staring back at me. She's a fraud, hiding behind a costume. Living life like an actress in a movie. Sadly, this movie plays out like a depressing drama, and there might not be a happily ever after for me.

  The performance is what keeps me going until the credits roll on this segment of my life.

  There's a new part for me to play six months out.

  I only hope that one comes with a few more smiles. For now, I'll settle for lunch.

  I make my way to the employee cafeteria that's nestled on the fourth floor. This is something my father invested in so that his employees didn't have to leave work to get food and could be ready to get back to work in a jiffy.

  At least he made sure the food is appetizing and something new every week to make up for being a selfish, controlling asshole.

  As I turn the corner, my heels twist as I come to a screeching halt, and all the air leaves my lungs at the sight of him.

  Jaxson Holden is the last person I expected to see walking the halls of Dolson Investments and International Banking. Jaxson is the son of my father's arch-enemy, Tony Holden. The two used to be the best of friends back in the day, but now, if Mr. Holden’s name is uttered, my dad's face turns red and steam shoots out of his ears.

  My father will kill him on the spot if he sees him. I, on the other hand, am left flabbergasted and gasping for breath. I haven’t seen Jaxson in almost two years and god damn if the bastard doesn’t look edible in a navy-blue suit. I've never seen this man in more than jeans and t-shirts, and now I'm in pure shock of how amazing his ass looks in a pair of fitted slacks. His wavy blond hair is brushed for a change, and I can make out the beginning of his neck tattoo peeking through the collar of his shirt.

  My father hated those. Thought it automatically made him a delinquent, but I melted at the sight of each one that marked his tan skin.

  Shake it off, River. You can't look at him like that. He doesn't belong in your building. He needs to go.

  Now.

  I approach him as he stares at the soda vending machine, not having noticed me yet. He pushes the giant Sprite button, and his soda dispenses with a clunk. I make it to him just in time to grab the can out of the hole before he does.

  He turns to look at me, and his eyes widen, but a loopy, smug grin appears on his face. “Can I have that back?”

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I hiss, gripping the soda can so hard I’m afraid it might burst.

  “Oh, well, hello to you too, Ms. Graham.” Jaxson chuckles softly, showing off the dimples in his cheeks.

  Ugh, those fucking dimples.

  “I'm serious. What are you doing in this building? Do you have a fucking death wish?”

  He taps his chin as his eyes roam my body. “No, no death wish today. I work here now.”

  My heart stops, and the Sprite can almost drops from my fingers in shock, but I catch it and clench it to my ch
est, hoping the cool object will restart my heart. I have to be dreaming or on some sick reality TV show. Or maybe I’m hallucinating from my sugar dropping due to lack of food. But as I stare back at the man who is glaring at me, making my skin prickle, I know this is real.

  No. No. This can't be possible.

  “How?” I somehow manage to get the word out.

  “Damn, Ms. Graham, is this how you treat all your employees?” He snorts, but I can see the tick in his jaw, telling me he’s not amused.

  “No, just you. Nobody in their right mind would have hired you.”

  “Because I'm a Holden? Listen, I'm just trying to put a roof over my head like everyone else. Not all of us are born spoiled little rich girls,” he spits.

  “You need to go,” I growl and stab my thumb over my shoulder.

  “I’m not going anywhere, princess,” he says venomously, and my anger flares. He knows I hate the nickname. But anger is good. I need it because he needs to leave. The last thing I need is Jaxson’s blood on my hands if my father gets a hold of him.

  “This isn’t some game, Jaxson.”

  “I’m aware. Maybe you should be keeping a closer eye on who your company hires. It was your IT department that came looking for me, after all. Ms. Franklin needed help with a special project that you and she are working on."

  I feel all the color drain from my face, and my heart thuds to the floor. No. This can't be right. Sam wouldn’t do this. She’s one of the only people I trust in this building, and she knows the history with the Holdens.

  What the hell is going on?

  “If my father sees you…”

  “Your father?” He steps in closer to me, his hazel eyes darken to black as his tattoo covered hand goes around my neck. His grip isn’t enough to choke me, but it’s enough to make me look at him. Years ago, this would incite pleasure from me, I’d be begging for more, but now my trembling is in fear, as his breathing escalates, and his vengeful stare burns through me. “Or your fiancé?”

  Both. I think to myself. I grab his wrist and shove his hand away. “Don’t touch me,” I whisper.